Maria, The Awesome, Fights A Jellyfish *UPDATE WITH PICTURES!*

View from our room. Jealous much? Yeah, I thought so.

When Jeff and I arrived in Puerto Rico last month we were beyond ecstatic. According to weather reports online it was supposed to be raining the whole time we were there but it wasn't at all. Actually, it only rained the day we left while we were on our way to the airport. It was just gorgeous. And hot.

The minute we walked out of the airport it was like we were punched in the face by the humidity. Being from western Washington we were definitely not used to this weather but we really didn't care. It was sunny!





We got in around 1:30 in the afternoon and went straight to the hotel. Even though we weren't supposed to be able to check into our room until 4:00pm they let us check-in anyway and even upgraded our room so we'd have a view of the ocean. BONUS!!! We were totally thinking that this trip was just getting better and better. We went up to our room, checked it out, looked out the window and saw how absolutely GORGEOUS the beach was and decided that we were gonna go play in the water.



We laid out on the beach for awhile and hung out but after awhile I got bored and wanted to go hop over waves and whatnot so we did that. The water was so warm and the sand was really soft under our feet. The only problem was that I kept getting salt water in my eyes and it would hurt so bad and I would just stand there holding my eye closed afraid to open it because I was wearing my contacts. I'm sure I was a sight.




Right before the attack. So happy. So hopeful.

So there Jeff and I are, only two hours into our trip and having a great time. We're jumping around, giggling, and trying not to get knocked down by the waves when I felt a very, very slight tingling feeling on my foot. I really didn't notice it until it was an afterthought which I brought up to Jeff. We didn't really think it was a jellyfish or anything, probably something that just felt weird, and in typical Maria and Jeff fashion we took the joke too far and were just saying stupid things and pretending to get stung when all of a sudden it felt like someone had tasered the back of my leg. I've never actually been shot with a taser, but that is exactly what I think one would feel like. My voice got all high-pitched and squealy and I started hopping towards the beach. When we got out and looked at my leg there was about a half dollar sized red spot on my leg. Within a couple minutes it had doubled in size and became a giant welt. My whole leg felt like it was on fire and when we showed the sting to the doorman he kind of chuckled and was like, "Yup, that's a jellyfish sting." Thanks buddy, we figured that out.



I wont tell you what happened when we got into the room but I will say that the theory of urinating on a jellyfish sting happens to be a giant freakin' lie and doesn't work. Theoretically speaking, of course. It's not like I begged my husband to pee on my leg while I stood in the shower awkwardly or anything. Ahem. I will say that it's a good thing that I was the one out of the two of us that got stung because if it was my husband we probably would've ended up going home that evening and I would have had to listen to him whine about how he got stung for the rest of my natural born life.

The End.



P.S. Did you know that jellyfish stings typically tend to go away after about a day but then a week later will totally come back itching like a mother-effer? Yeah, I didn't either. But they do. Oh god, do they ever. And they can keep coming back for up to nine months! Yay me!

P.P.S. Things like this tend to only happen to me. This is why I am scared of everything and basically live like a hermit.

P.P.P.S. Once my computer quits being so douchey I will post pictures for y'all! Can't wait!

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Here are some of those pics I promised awhile back! I just want to add to the story above that the welt went down after the first night and the rest of the trip was awesome. Every once in awhile I'd accidently scratch it and want to keep itching but I can practice self control every now and again.

Should I Just Be Fat For Vacation?

In less than two weeks, Jeff and I will be on a plane aimed for San Juan, Puerto Rico. This will be our first real vacation in the five years we've been together and will be the week of our third wedding anniversary. We both are crazy excited to go, especially because we'll be sans kids and we never had a honeymoon, but we've both slacked off a little in the working out department.

You see, I had our second child last summer and gained 45 extra pounds and Jeff tends to hibernate for the winter. And, like any other human/bear hybrid, he grows a ridiculously thick beard, doesn't cut his hair, and decides that eating nothing but pizza everyday for three weeks straight is perfectly acceptable behavior. What sucks for me, in a competition sort of way, is that he can diet and work out for three days and drop 20 pounds. At least. I've dieted my ass off (literally and figuratively) but am not yet where I would like my body to be while we're in a paradise type setting. I've gotten the number on the scale to match the number that I was before I got knocked up, and yet, my body still looks...what's a good word for it?...Lumpy. Yes, I am still very lumpy.

I have not quite given up on the hope that I will be in perfect shape when we leave but I have decided that the very least I can do is tan the crap out of my lumps so they are more camoflauged. I figure it'd be a nice courtesy for the people that have to look at me when we're out on the beach. What can I say? I'm a giver.

Here's a pic of where we're going. I seriously cannot wait.


picture courtesy of pictureware.com